Questions to ponder upon

I need to address three questions posted by my friends today.

I think about two~three weeks ago, Sharon asked me why am I so self-centered. This question somehow stunned me for a while for I couldn't reply to her and I do not know what to reply to her. All I asked was in what ways did she felt I was so self-centered. As I read my current book, "Basics of Buddhism - Key principles and how to practise" by Pat Allwright, I somehow find the missing piece to my jigsaw puzzle.

All along in my years of prayers, no matter how limited and infrequent and short I have prayed in the past, I have had prayed for (a) Wisdom and (b) Life-Force. Wisdom has bring me great value in my work especially and I see the effect of myself working effectively and efficiently, gaining approval from everyone around me. And wisdom has given me great understanding of many aspects of life and great understanding power. Life-force has bring about a lively and restless me that pushed myself to the limits in my doings, finishing tasks fast and ahead of time and life-force has always make myself a stronger person that is able to recover fast, even now after I fell down.

What was missing is the third factor, that of Compassion. Compassion is the ability to accept things as they are around me and leave them as they are. Compassion is also the ability to understand the limitation of things around me as such, and the understanding of encompassing and showing not just concern but also the resolutions to the issues around me. I shall pray on it too from now on, that I can show greater compassion. I prayed and I do likewise.

Jennifer asked me yesterday what did I see in Princessy such that I fell head over heels over her. She reminded me about Missy as the comparison. Indeed, deep down inside my heart, I admit, I saw the shadow of Missy inside Princessy from day one. In simpler terms, I respect their greater foresight in "planning" for their future and linking it to their present. That is this similarity that made me accept Princessy despite our age differences. You may laugh at it but this particular reason was the reason why I have faithfully waited for Missy for 5~6 years. The key difference now is simply that Missy walked the thoughts (plan execution) while Princessy still show much signs of talking the thoughts (day-dreaming). Not that Princessy is still young. In fact, I knew both girls when they are at the same age, Princessy now and Missy 7 years ago.

Glen asked me at the same time, will I be willing to let Princessy fall down flat for at least once without me interfering and/or preventing that fall? Seriously I wanted to avoid answering this question or even think about it now. This question will somehow made me feel restless or feel bad. I avoided by replying that the most likely outcome will be that I will likely read about her fall-out (with Delvin) and falling down (if that relationship drags into months or maybe years from now) from her blog, just like her troubles with her 3-week-old relationship with Sam. Yes, you are right that I did not addressed the root question inside my heart. In fact, I do not know how to answer you. You may default it as that I will likely try to prevent her falling down. Perhaps this is the likely outcome if I ever get to know her problems (before that fall). I am confused about my course of actions too. I have not "put the glass down from my outstretched hand; and my hand is getting tired from holding that glass".

Regarding the fall, I do not wish it to happen but after talking to so many people, I cannot but agree with all of them. Of the ladies, Wendy, Agnes, Sharon, Sheryl and Elizabeth, have came to the same conclusion that she is too much into puppy love and if she continues to give so much, she will likely have a bad fall later.

And now, I have answered two of the three questions. The third question is too tormenting for me to answer now. But I promised I will think carefully about it!