From the very moment I stepped out of the plane, I was under tremendous pressure to perform. I crumbled from the word "GO". I lost dearly, my soul and my nearly everything.
As I hide in my hotel room, seeking sanctuary, I need time to ponder what the heck was I doing? I succumb to pressure for 3 days already. And I got another 6 more days to go! What am I going to do? What should I do? I'm lost!
As I yearned to fly back home to my cosy room back in Singapore, but yet I can't! I can only return on the 10th! Meanwhile I was also pondering deeply amid these wild actions I did over the 3 days. Was I really doing all these for myself? Or was I in self-denial stage again? I got a feeling it's the latter. The lingering effect of her has not got over at all. No matter how hard I tried to bottled up my feelings, I guess it is also brewing inside... *sigh* Oh, what must I do now. I really don't know.
I am really squeezed from both ends, the pressure to recover now (what more to talk about performing) and to face up to the world again, especially if one day I face her again. Will I be better than before? Or has I become worst? For the moment, it is the latter as I have nothing already, no job, no incoming job offer, no nothing... How I wish I don't have to face her. Oh Buddha, save me from abysmal.
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