I don't wish to turn back the clock

There is a song "I Wish I Could Turn Back The Clock" by "Johnny Hate Jazz" and the chorus goes like:

{
I wish that I could turn back the clock
Bring the wheels of time to stop
Back to the days when life was so much better
}

Interesting notion, but I do not wish it to be true. I was humbled and humiliated but I think I prefer the present me than before. The kindle to start a fire of faming is gone. The impatience self within me is bottled and kept in check by my peace of mind, achieved by my daily prayers to Buddha.

I remain true to my conscience now. When I am concerned about a situation, I will still show and inform you. You don't like it and ask me to think of your level of acceptance. I will only smile at you and will still inform you. I don't have any guilt in telling you from time to time. Not that I wanted it, and how I wished I have forgotten all the latest news about you or have given up the urge to visit your profile to check from time to time. Still, my self-discipline tell me that I cannot erase what I have already know and what I can only do now is to make sure that my concern (for you) is true to my heart.

I remain as calm as the still sea. When you tell me you have a meeting even after your work, even though we have had arranged a dinner, it is okay for me. I can wait and no, I did not want to waste too much time too. Therefore, instead of waiting at home for your call (after the end of your meeting), I became pro-active. I drove down to your working place and waited. Waited I did until I received an sms telling me that you are going for your dinner with your colleagues and Sales Director. Well, I have been stood up and I have waited for nothing too, but it is okay. I understood very much that you need to build up your rapport with your colleagues and boss. I did not jumped and I did not boiled. However, I remained disappointed and I drove home without much fanfare. Yes, some tears may have dropped along the way but I tell myself, what more disappointment have I not received than that week that I fell down? I have learned to shrug all these disappointments and move on.

I remain as pensive as the melody. The job hunt is "slow". An average of 1.5 applications a day keep me "busy". Still I do not expect to receive any interesting call till end of the July. And no, I have not forsaken my goals. I do not seek a job, I seek a career. The road ahead is still long and windy, less misty than before. Work gives life some meaning, something to keep my mind busy and occupy my time after all.

When all things do not fall in place, I do not despair. The 闷气 is strong but it can be suppressed by a cup of Choya 梅酒 at the end of the day before I slumber into light sleep. Yes, I sleep very lightly these days. Any sms/call to my mobile will bring me back to life.