破釜沉舟

破釜沉舟 (pò fǔ chén zhōu) :-
. . . 比喻下决心不顾一切地干到底。

Today is the start of a new dawn. A day when I joined the jobless clan, with mixed feelings of nostalgia and uncertainty. For perhaps the first time in my life, I decided to embark on something that I have never done it in my life before. I am venturing out into the wilderness, seeking for some truth and meanings in career, life and perhaps some answers to relationship puzzles.

There is no retreat route anymore. I have no backings, no support and I only have a focus forward. I cannot look back and yearn for the past, and there are tons of people waiting there behind, waiting for me to turn back, laugh at me and tell me "I told you so". I know they do care for me but at this stage, as I seek my path forward into the future, I have decided that I want to take control of my own life.

I cast my Tarot program and this is what it suggested what will happen next "You will suddenly realize new mindset; and you become stronger in your new belief and will not waver, and will not believe the group opinion and will seek the path alone." How right can it be! How many would have understood the path that I am taking. Not many or I should say none. Only 3 persons knew my path and well they don't agree (in their hearts) but at least they do give me the moral support to move forward. For me, this is good enough.

Cutting off all retreat routes is something a desperate person will do. But no, I am not desperate. But I seek changes and I do that in order to remind me of the painful lessons (in work and in relationship) I have learned in recent months. Th path forward is unclear but the goals are clear to me. I see the goals but have not yet found the right route to these goals.

As the great general, Xiang Yu, ordered all cooking woks be destroyed so that his tiny Chu army has only 2 choices - a quick decisive victory or death, against the much bigger Qin army at the Battle of Julu; I have cut myself off from my circles of relationship and there are only 2 paths forward - a 3-year pilgrim or self-destruction.

For, this is a pilgrim that I will not enjoy and will be under constant pressure to actualize the goals. And my boss was right about me, there is a self-confidence to take myself forward; otherwise, it won't be me anymore!

Last but not least, just want to pass a message to all who are reading this - I know what I am doing! And as I sow the plan, I shall reap the consequences.