Dear Friends who are reading my blog,
From today onwards, there will be no more article on Princess Jasmine in this blog. She is erased from here.
My apology on this issue and I shall keep you guys updated on my latest happening and events.
Your Sincerely,
Lodoss
Thursday, 26 June 2008
Wednesday, 25 June 2008
The nonsenses I received from Princess
Selection of short messages I received from Princess Jasmine:
3rd Jun 2008:
"We have never been together"
7th Jun 2008:
"I'm not ur dear n can u pls leave me alone ?"
"It's not still ... we nv been together ..."
8th Jun 2008:
"Dun need to waste ur time on me ..."
"I've decided who i wanna b wif already ..."
23rd Jun 2008:
"I tink some stuff tt u did was over seriously i'm not in the mood to take ur nonsense ... Pls leave me alone ... Stop sendin me msg which cause disturbance To me ... Dun act as though u noe everythin wen u noe nuts ... Tis simply irritate me ... Stop attractin negative attention can u ?"
Selection of MSN messages I received from Princess Jasmine:
12th Jun 2008:
"i tink if u really wanna continue n b friends u should really noe ur limits"
"i kind of felt those msg disturbin n my bf dun like it"
17th Jun 2008 (after Princess was dumped by Sam after 1 week of stead):
"i do hope u haf ur own limits"
"pls stop doing silly things"
"i jus wanna noe wat i should do now wif me n sam the rest i seriously dun wanna tink abt it"
(she just want me to help her solve the problem between Sam and herself)
"care to talk ?"
(we chatted for 3 long hours and it's all about Sam, Sam and Sam only)
24th Jun 2008 (after they have patched back upon chance meeting at clubbing):
"watever i do is nothin got to do wif u"
"please stop irritating me"
"i demand to b left alone"
"or if u wan to try how far i can go jus to get u out of my life"
"i'll nv contact u"
Selected passage on Princess Jasmine blog entries:
23rd Jun 2008:
"... But things aren’t that smooth yesterday, someone irritated me on the phone. Called me and ask me silly questions, u are jasmine hor? Fei hua, den who do u think u called? Ok ren, yes y? Orh no I was surprised that u picked up my call. That was it man, I just hang his call his he never expect me to even listen to his call. Wu liao de ren. I know if I didn’t hang the call it’ll definitely spoil my day. ..."
Well, this is the new ME... You are forgiven, absolutely! But note this too, I will NOT forget what I received from you too. Once bitten, twice shy and I will keep these evidences as my mental shield against you thereafter.
And read this too... I am leaving you alone as you demanded... [censored]
[censored]
[censored]
One thing I will do for many many days... I shall pray to Buddha to repent ... for what I wrote here... for forgiveness too~
3rd Jun 2008:
"We have never been together"
7th Jun 2008:
"I'm not ur dear n can u pls leave me alone ?"
"It's not still ... we nv been together ..."
8th Jun 2008:
"Dun need to waste ur time on me ..."
"I've decided who i wanna b wif already ..."
23rd Jun 2008:
"I tink some stuff tt u did was over seriously i'm not in the mood to take ur nonsense ... Pls leave me alone ... Stop sendin me msg which cause disturbance To me ... Dun act as though u noe everythin wen u noe nuts ... Tis simply irritate me ... Stop attractin negative attention can u ?"
Selection of MSN messages I received from Princess Jasmine:
12th Jun 2008:
"i tink if u really wanna continue n b friends u should really noe ur limits"
"i kind of felt those msg disturbin n my bf dun like it"
17th Jun 2008 (after Princess was dumped by Sam after 1 week of stead):
"i do hope u haf ur own limits"
"pls stop doing silly things"
"i jus wanna noe wat i should do now wif me n sam the rest i seriously dun wanna tink abt it"
(she just want me to help her solve the problem between Sam and herself)
"care to talk ?"
(we chatted for 3 long hours and it's all about Sam, Sam and Sam only)
24th Jun 2008 (after they have patched back upon chance meeting at clubbing):
"watever i do is nothin got to do wif u"
"please stop irritating me"
"i demand to b left alone"
"or if u wan to try how far i can go jus to get u out of my life"
"i'll nv contact u"
Selected passage on Princess Jasmine blog entries:
23rd Jun 2008:
"... But things aren’t that smooth yesterday, someone irritated me on the phone. Called me and ask me silly questions, u are jasmine hor? Fei hua, den who do u think u called? Ok ren, yes y? Orh no I was surprised that u picked up my call. That was it man, I just hang his call his he never expect me to even listen to his call. Wu liao de ren. I know if I didn’t hang the call it’ll definitely spoil my day. ..."
Well, this is the new ME... You are forgiven, absolutely! But note this too, I will NOT forget what I received from you too. Once bitten, twice shy and I will keep these evidences as my mental shield against you thereafter.
And read this too... I am leaving you alone as you demanded... [censored]
[censored]
[censored]
One thing I will do for many many days... I shall pray to Buddha to repent ... for what I wrote here... for forgiveness too~
Tuesday, 24 June 2008
What kind of friends are you having?
To Jasmine,
Your world is very simple, surrounded by friends or should I called them acquaintances or purpose-oriented friends. When your world is full of sunshine, these people are always there. Are you happy? I thought so, for your case. Time will separate them apart from you, I guarantee you that.
As for me, I have very little friends, perhaps only a close cliques of maybe 5 close friends to mention about. Am I happy? Certainly I am. Why? The reason is very simple, they are my TRUE friends. That is the reason and is the only reason why I stick to them. We hardly meet these days, yes, but our friendship goes beyond that boundaries.
Back to your friendship, yourself already know some of them are not true. But I guess your sense of belonging tell you that you need them to laugh together with you, to fill your time-space, etc. But let me make this clear to you, you are better off without them for they will only hurt you in some subtle ways that you may not even be aware of it.
For once, I am still the Dark Angel. Yes, I am direct and I kick her out for you. You are certainly not happy and you barked at me and asked me to "leave you alone" for doing such thing on you. This is not the first time I am hearing this already. In fact, I have left you alone for such a long week.
But let me tell you this, if you can't even tell a good friend of 2 months from a jealous friend of 15 years (yourself know that very well), then I am utterly disappointed in you too. Don't complain to me about that! I am being true to my conscience, but are you being true to yours or are your faking when you are in front of her? If these are the games that you people are playing, count me out. I look for true and only true friendship. The rest? I always invite them to Marina to go fly their own kites!
Your world is very simple, surrounded by friends or should I called them acquaintances or purpose-oriented friends. When your world is full of sunshine, these people are always there. Are you happy? I thought so, for your case. Time will separate them apart from you, I guarantee you that.
As for me, I have very little friends, perhaps only a close cliques of maybe 5 close friends to mention about. Am I happy? Certainly I am. Why? The reason is very simple, they are my TRUE friends. That is the reason and is the only reason why I stick to them. We hardly meet these days, yes, but our friendship goes beyond that boundaries.
Back to your friendship, yourself already know some of them are not true. But I guess your sense of belonging tell you that you need them to laugh together with you, to fill your time-space, etc. But let me make this clear to you, you are better off without them for they will only hurt you in some subtle ways that you may not even be aware of it.
For once, I am still the Dark Angel. Yes, I am direct and I kick her out for you. You are certainly not happy and you barked at me and asked me to "leave you alone" for doing such thing on you. This is not the first time I am hearing this already. In fact, I have left you alone for such a long week.
But let me tell you this, if you can't even tell a good friend of 2 months from a jealous friend of 15 years (yourself know that very well), then I am utterly disappointed in you too. Don't complain to me about that! I am being true to my conscience, but are you being true to yours or are your faking when you are in front of her? If these are the games that you people are playing, count me out. I look for true and only true friendship. The rest? I always invite them to Marina to go fly their own kites!
Monday, 23 June 2008
Why is my life revolving around ... ladies ... ?
My good adviser and MSN chat friend, Sheryl (yes, revealing her name at last), who has a very good nest building planning which I admire told me on Saturday morning something that shook me. She was at home while I was at Kallang Mac doing my Personal Growth Planner. She said this "Why is your life revolving around her?" It sound like I was shot.
Before I quited that chat session for home, I told her I would ponder upon that statement. And I did. I looked back at my past too. Let me revealed abit more.
When I was young, still a secondary school until junior college, my life revolved around my eldest sister. My good behaviour is the results of her motherly discipline and everyday I was like trying to find ways and means to avoid her scolding. That was my growing up days.
When I was carefree during my universities day, by being physically absent from home and stay in hostel, I have more or less become self-independence, except financially. Even though each and every sisters contributed their share, none has done it more than my forth sister and her monthly allowance and her constant inquiry about whether I have enough.
When I met my first and still the only ex-gf in 1995, she started to wait outside my lecture theatres every day after every break. While, what more do you wish for to see someone dear waiting outside faithfully for you. Unwittingly my life revolved around her everyday as we spent our time together everyday, which meant I neglected all my friends! After the breakoff, I discovered that I lost more than just her! I lost all my university friends and only a handful is left with me! My life really did revolved around her!
When I met my first crush, Missy, in 2001 she was attached at that time. Yes, I admit I spent more time with her in the next 2 years than her bf, who was still serving his time at NS (mine was over like 6 years ago). Even though we toned down (due to some difficulties) the next 2 years, my heart still contained her and my life really evolved around her too.
Along the journey, I still meet other potentials, and one of them (a teacher) one day emailed me this "... it's abt me cos u know me....who cares whether how they die? All I need is some comfort from u when I'm sad.....I wanted to share so much with u...to call u to talk to u....but i know you were so busy and even if you are free, you wouldn't take my call! Aloof? I would not label u that cos there were times when u do share your stuff with me too ..." I have to say that I am sorry as my heart wasn't ready for you at all.
My heart can contain one and only one lady at any time. This is perhaps my greatest asset (being faithful) and also my greatest obstacle (to accept another). And I do not think there is anything wrong with being as such!
Without needing any guess, I deliberately ignore the teacher after that. Months later, I met another lady, a Korean lady who is staying in Singapore to be exact. After a few dates, one day inside my car, I suddenly heard something of this "I love you" coming out from her mouth. Pretending to be her bad command of English, I actually asked her what did she said. Of course, the same words will not come out again. After that, I avoided her too. The reason is pure and simple, Missy has never left my heart until the day she announced she is going for ROM in Jun 2006. And the Korean lady got married to another Singaporean guy in 2007.
Now in Jun 2008, as I looked through the events, actually most of my actions revolved getting myself accepted by my Dear and her family EVEN when I am not her bf at all! Yes, I may have thoughts of doing my plan of relocation 2 years back but the actual trigger was actually my Princess Dear. In fact, the Personal Growth Planner revolved around getting her back into my arms and it does have a time frame too. My life is actually revolving around her now!
I am a weakling in this aspect, I understood. Even as I re- and re- and re-read my Dear's blog, this is what she has said on her own problem of having her bf of only 1 week dumping her after another week "我知道你要离开很简单 I also know that I would not be able to stop u either, cause I had to lead my own life to. Jeslyn was right though she wasn’t referring to me but life doesn’t just evolved around u. there are a lot of things in this world that I need to look into. A chance was given and u let it go, u chose ur path and I had to move on with mine." She is even stronger than I am. Am I that strong and decisive as she is after all? 拿的起，放不下！
Really have to thank Sheryl for her frank and blunt statement. It was like a bullet penetrating through my heart. Knowing myself very well, I am afraid I am unable to do what you said is right for me. But I do know how to resolve this difficulty in another way. My heart will heal over time, slowly but naturally. [deleted some parts]
To my Princess Dear,
I have to say this and I hear this from my Boss's mouth too. I nearly fall off my chair when I hear a Christian telling me this. God brought us to this world and give us the taste bud not to taste food only. We must face a life of sweetness, bitterness, sourness, saltiness and hotness. I am afraid your life has been a bed of roses and full of sweetness. You have not tasted bitterness yet. What more can you expect when it come to hotness. I have tasted bitterness and sourness already and is still learning the meaning of saltiness. Also not ready for hotness too. But when the right time comes by end of 2010 when you have worked perhaps half a year of more after your university studies, we (not just me) expect you to fall flat and tasted the 2nd taste. The working world is too vicious and cunning. You are not ready for it just yet. [deleted portions]
This is not a promise, but a commitment!
Before I quited that chat session for home, I told her I would ponder upon that statement. And I did. I looked back at my past too. Let me revealed abit more.
When I was young, still a secondary school until junior college, my life revolved around my eldest sister. My good behaviour is the results of her motherly discipline and everyday I was like trying to find ways and means to avoid her scolding. That was my growing up days.
When I was carefree during my universities day, by being physically absent from home and stay in hostel, I have more or less become self-independence, except financially. Even though each and every sisters contributed their share, none has done it more than my forth sister and her monthly allowance and her constant inquiry about whether I have enough.
When I met my first and still the only ex-gf in 1995, she started to wait outside my lecture theatres every day after every break. While, what more do you wish for to see someone dear waiting outside faithfully for you. Unwittingly my life revolved around her everyday as we spent our time together everyday, which meant I neglected all my friends! After the breakoff, I discovered that I lost more than just her! I lost all my university friends and only a handful is left with me! My life really did revolved around her!
When I met my first crush, Missy, in 2001 she was attached at that time. Yes, I admit I spent more time with her in the next 2 years than her bf, who was still serving his time at NS (mine was over like 6 years ago). Even though we toned down (due to some difficulties) the next 2 years, my heart still contained her and my life really evolved around her too.
Along the journey, I still meet other potentials, and one of them (a teacher) one day emailed me this "... it's abt me cos u know me....who cares whether how they die? All I need is some comfort from u when I'm sad.....I wanted to share so much with u...to call u to talk to u....but i know you were so busy and even if you are free, you wouldn't take my call! Aloof? I would not label u that cos there were times when u do share your stuff with me too ..." I have to say that I am sorry as my heart wasn't ready for you at all.
My heart can contain one and only one lady at any time. This is perhaps my greatest asset (being faithful) and also my greatest obstacle (to accept another). And I do not think there is anything wrong with being as such!
Without needing any guess, I deliberately ignore the teacher after that. Months later, I met another lady, a Korean lady who is staying in Singapore to be exact. After a few dates, one day inside my car, I suddenly heard something of this "I love you" coming out from her mouth. Pretending to be her bad command of English, I actually asked her what did she said. Of course, the same words will not come out again. After that, I avoided her too. The reason is pure and simple, Missy has never left my heart until the day she announced she is going for ROM in Jun 2006. And the Korean lady got married to another Singaporean guy in 2007.
Now in Jun 2008, as I looked through the events, actually most of my actions revolved getting myself accepted by my Dear and her family EVEN when I am not her bf at all! Yes, I may have thoughts of doing my plan of relocation 2 years back but the actual trigger was actually my Princess Dear. In fact, the Personal Growth Planner revolved around getting her back into my arms and it does have a time frame too. My life is actually revolving around her now!
I am a weakling in this aspect, I understood. Even as I re- and re- and re-read my Dear's blog, this is what she has said on her own problem of having her bf of only 1 week dumping her after another week "我知道你要离开很简单 I also know that I would not be able to stop u either, cause I had to lead my own life to. Jeslyn was right though she wasn’t referring to me but life doesn’t just evolved around u. there are a lot of things in this world that I need to look into. A chance was given and u let it go, u chose ur path and I had to move on with mine." She is even stronger than I am. Am I that strong and decisive as she is after all? 拿的起，放不下！
Really have to thank Sheryl for her frank and blunt statement. It was like a bullet penetrating through my heart. Knowing myself very well, I am afraid I am unable to do what you said is right for me. But I do know how to resolve this difficulty in another way. My heart will heal over time, slowly but naturally. [deleted some parts]
To my Princess Dear,
I have to say this and I hear this from my Boss's mouth too. I nearly fall off my chair when I hear a Christian telling me this. God brought us to this world and give us the taste bud not to taste food only. We must face a life of sweetness, bitterness, sourness, saltiness and hotness. I am afraid your life has been a bed of roses and full of sweetness. You have not tasted bitterness yet. What more can you expect when it come to hotness. I have tasted bitterness and sourness already and is still learning the meaning of saltiness. Also not ready for hotness too. But when the right time comes by end of 2010 when you have worked perhaps half a year of more after your university studies, we (not just me) expect you to fall flat and tasted the 2nd taste. The working world is too vicious and cunning. You are not ready for it just yet. [deleted portions]
This is not a promise, but a commitment!
Sunday, 22 June 2008
你怎么舍得我难过
Another nice sad sentimental song that is descriptive of my sadness. Nonetheless, that sadness has lessen, perhaps the duration of suffering was longer (so used to it already), perhaps the hatred has increased (after those ill-treatment), or perhaps my mind has become more firm, perhaps otherwise. Who knows. Let it be. Anyhow the lyric of this song sung by 黄品源 goes:
[1] 对你的思念 是一天又一天
孤单的我 还是没有改变
美丽的梦 何时才能出现
亲爱的你 好想再见你一面
[2] 秋天的风 一阵阵地吹过
想起了去年 的这个时候
你的心 到底在想些什么
为什么留下 这个结局让我承受
[Chorus]
最爱你的人是我
你怎么舍得我难过
在我最需要你的时候
没有说一句话就走
最爱你的人是我
你怎么舍得我难过
对你付出了这么多
你却没有感动过
Repeat [2], [Chorus] x 2
[1] 对你的思念 是一天又一天
孤单的我 还是没有改变
美丽的梦 何时才能出现
亲爱的你 好想再见你一面
[2] 秋天的风 一阵阵地吹过
想起了去年 的这个时候
你的心 到底在想些什么
为什么留下 这个结局让我承受
[Chorus]
最爱你的人是我
你怎么舍得我难过
在我最需要你的时候
没有说一句话就走
最爱你的人是我
你怎么舍得我难过
对你付出了这么多
你却没有感动过
Repeat [2], [Chorus] x 2
Saturday, 21 June 2008
Karma will catch up with you one day... this is for sure!
I am in agony. I feel like a piece of meat, being eaten, being used, and later being dumped. Yes, I was wrong initially to say something nasty to my Dear. For that, I suffered many many nights of agony and lost her in the end, and my whole career up in ashes already. This is my Karma, I accepted it and I shall repent in time to come.
But do understand one fact. You reap what you sow. I had my karma, so shall you! Understand one matter, if all your sms-es and concern are geared towards your SAM, please ask other people! I am not interested to talk about him at all. I already give you so much hint like "I am not him, cant answer on his behalf..." to tell you don't ask me what should you do to get him back or what did he meant by this and that, etc.
If all your concerns are about SAM, do bear a thought for the person whom you are asking! I am very very hurt inside and is in pain when you asked me these matters. What can be worst when I sms-ed you so many times and you don't even bother to reply back. And when you sms-ed me, you EXPECT a PROPER reply and I got 3 repeating sms-es if my reply is not prompt or if I do not want to answer the question, I get a tick-off sms like "Y not tell me wat is the point of him doin all these ?"! Who am I to you then? Just a PIECE of talking machine, giving you opinions? Are you blind to these facts? I seriously don't think so, you have on your forehead the 3 lines of LKY, the mark of a smart people. For that, I am telling you "DO NOT PLAY OTHER PEOPLE FEELINGS!" Because Karma will catch up with you one day!
Seriously, if you are able to tell me this "I tink u tink too highly of urself u r nv tt important tt i'll mention u in my blog ... to leave or not u decide it doesn't bother me at all ...", what do you expect me to do? I already prepared myself mentally that I am going to get out of this mess and will remain passive and let everything be as it is now. Why of all matters, when I sms-ed you on Thursday 10 sms-es and I got that super unfriendly reply; and on Friday, I have decided not to sms you anymore and you decided to disturb me in the evening with your nonsense again and it goes "Wat does he mean by tellin me thou we may not b together now but who noes in future ... He repeated this 2 me 3times in a row askin if i understood wat he mean" Let me tell you this! Your problem with him is not my problem! Don't get me involved! Are you such an attention-seeker that you find it suffocating and embarrassing if no one bother to pay any attention to you anymore?
Anyhow, you never read my blog, so it is okay to write whatever I want. Even if you do read my blog, you know what to do and if you still continue to do what you are doing; then understand this, my hatred for you has started building up too.
.
.
[I was tossing the whole night in bed thinking and thinking and thinking; ended up decided to amend the whole passage at 3am in the morning!]
But do understand one fact. You reap what you sow. I had my karma, so shall you! Understand one matter, if all your sms-es and concern are geared towards your SAM, please ask other people! I am not interested to talk about him at all. I already give you so much hint like "I am not him, cant answer on his behalf..." to tell you don't ask me what should you do to get him back or what did he meant by this and that, etc.
If all your concerns are about SAM, do bear a thought for the person whom you are asking! I am very very hurt inside and is in pain when you asked me these matters. What can be worst when I sms-ed you so many times and you don't even bother to reply back. And when you sms-ed me, you EXPECT a PROPER reply and I got 3 repeating sms-es if my reply is not prompt or if I do not want to answer the question, I get a tick-off sms like "Y not tell me wat is the point of him doin all these ?"! Who am I to you then? Just a PIECE of talking machine, giving you opinions? Are you blind to these facts? I seriously don't think so, you have on your forehead the 3 lines of LKY, the mark of a smart people. For that, I am telling you "DO NOT PLAY OTHER PEOPLE FEELINGS!" Because Karma will catch up with you one day!
Seriously, if you are able to tell me this "I tink u tink too highly of urself u r nv tt important tt i'll mention u in my blog ... to leave or not u decide it doesn't bother me at all ...", what do you expect me to do? I already prepared myself mentally that I am going to get out of this mess and will remain passive and let everything be as it is now. Why of all matters, when I sms-ed you on Thursday 10 sms-es and I got that super unfriendly reply; and on Friday, I have decided not to sms you anymore and you decided to disturb me in the evening with your nonsense again and it goes "Wat does he mean by tellin me thou we may not b together now but who noes in future ... He repeated this 2 me 3times in a row askin if i understood wat he mean" Let me tell you this! Your problem with him is not my problem! Don't get me involved! Are you such an attention-seeker that you find it suffocating and embarrassing if no one bother to pay any attention to you anymore?
Anyhow, you never read my blog, so it is okay to write whatever I want. Even if you do read my blog, you know what to do and if you still continue to do what you are doing; then understand this, my hatred for you has started building up too.
.
.
[I was tossing the whole night in bed thinking and thinking and thinking; ended up decided to amend the whole passage at 3am in the morning!]
Friday, 20 June 2008
The past is written, but we can end that chapter in harmony
After the recent events that are happening to me, suddenly I realized that to let go is a very relieved thing to do. And as I think back about my past, I understood my actions of the past - narrow-minded. What done was done, it can't be changed! Nonetheless, it's always better to be late than never. And this is what I realized and so I acted upon it.
I sms-ed Missy on 18th Jun 2008 at 09:13AM:
"Hi XXX... So long never hear anything from you. How is it going?"
I got no reply (as expected as I think she was already very angry over my last communications when I refused to advice her about her job change).
And as I was drinking coffee in the late afternoon, tears flowed naturally and I really felt bad for Missy and I decided to let her know my feelings:
I sms-ed Missy on 18th Jun 2008 at 15:40PM:
"As I woke u from my dreams after an event, I pondered upon my life that I have lived through, and the path ahead for me. The tasks ahead are daunting, the path is rough, and the view is misty. Still it is my destiny to push through. And as I turned and looked at my past, I saw the gal that I have had loved for 5 years in my heart. And I saw how badly I have treated her when she did not chose me. I cannot turn back, but I could only say "SORRY" sincerity. I do not seek forgiveness nor do I seek redemption. I just want you to know that you have not lost your friendship in me."
And I am not expecting any reply from Missy. This is the most forgiving sms that I ever sent to to Missy. With this sincerity, I have learned to let go and not expect anything in return. This is something I learned from Vans (my Thai friend).
In the evening while discussing my future and problems with my forth sister, I received a sms, thinking it was from my Dear but ended up it was from Missy and it went:
"I m glad u have come to your senses. As long as u have woke up to accept reality, u r still my friend. Well, I know u dont choose 2 be the way u r in the past.. Relieved tat u finally see enlightenment. Anywy, i m doing fine, just too busy with work.."
I did not replied to her anymore. No, I no longer see any need to do that because I am sincere and I am not sms-ing her to get her attention to reply back so that we can chat. I am sincerely sms-ing to make known my opinions and regrets.
I promised her a dinner date before my eventual re-location. This promise, I will fulfill. Hope she will understand that in doing that date, I wished to treasure my time with her and bottled the feelings I have for her for memories. She is married but nonetheless, it does not mean I have had no feeling before, now or the future.
Just as I had told my Dear before, my love for a person is singular. Other people's love can fade easily. Mine usually brew over time, and it get richer over time. Dear is occupying my heart now, even though her own heart is occupied by another guy who left her after promising lots of empty promises after 1 week of whirlpool relationship. But it does not mean that my heart is being occupied by many, I merely bottled up the feelings for Missy and put somewhere... within me. I have deep feelings and I am a homo sapien after all!
I sms-ed Missy on 18th Jun 2008 at 09:13AM:
"Hi XXX... So long never hear anything from you. How is it going?"
I got no reply (as expected as I think she was already very angry over my last communications when I refused to advice her about her job change).
And as I was drinking coffee in the late afternoon, tears flowed naturally and I really felt bad for Missy and I decided to let her know my feelings:
I sms-ed Missy on 18th Jun 2008 at 15:40PM:
"As I woke u from my dreams after an event, I pondered upon my life that I have lived through, and the path ahead for me. The tasks ahead are daunting, the path is rough, and the view is misty. Still it is my destiny to push through. And as I turned and looked at my past, I saw the gal that I have had loved for 5 years in my heart. And I saw how badly I have treated her when she did not chose me. I cannot turn back, but I could only say "SORRY" sincerity. I do not seek forgiveness nor do I seek redemption. I just want you to know that you have not lost your friendship in me."
And I am not expecting any reply from Missy. This is the most forgiving sms that I ever sent to to Missy. With this sincerity, I have learned to let go and not expect anything in return. This is something I learned from Vans (my Thai friend).
In the evening while discussing my future and problems with my forth sister, I received a sms, thinking it was from my Dear but ended up it was from Missy and it went:
"I m glad u have come to your senses. As long as u have woke up to accept reality, u r still my friend. Well, I know u dont choose 2 be the way u r in the past.. Relieved tat u finally see enlightenment. Anywy, i m doing fine, just too busy with work.."
I did not replied to her anymore. No, I no longer see any need to do that because I am sincere and I am not sms-ing her to get her attention to reply back so that we can chat. I am sincerely sms-ing to make known my opinions and regrets.
I promised her a dinner date before my eventual re-location. This promise, I will fulfill. Hope she will understand that in doing that date, I wished to treasure my time with her and bottled the feelings I have for her for memories. She is married but nonetheless, it does not mean I have had no feeling before, now or the future.
Just as I had told my Dear before, my love for a person is singular. Other people's love can fade easily. Mine usually brew over time, and it get richer over time. Dear is occupying my heart now, even though her own heart is occupied by another guy who left her after promising lots of empty promises after 1 week of whirlpool relationship. But it does not mean that my heart is being occupied by many, I merely bottled up the feelings for Missy and put somewhere... within me. I have deep feelings and I am a homo sapien after all!
Thursday, 19 June 2008
求佛
As I ponder upon my future, I find this song quite meaningful. Yes, I really need to "grab Buddha's leg" tightly. Yes, I am greedy, I want my future and experience through relocation and yet I still want Dear to find me and hold on to me eventually. For that I need to "求佛"!
求佛 (誓言)
当月光洒在我的脸上
我想我就快变了摸样
有一种叫做撕心裂肺的汤
喝了它有神奇的力量
闭上眼看见天堂
那是藏着你笑的地方
我躲开无数个猎人的枪
赶走坟墓爬出的忧伤
为了你,我变成狼人摸样
为了你,染上了疯狂
为了你,穿上厚厚的伪装
为了你,换了心肠
我们还能不能再见面
我在佛前苦苦求了几千年
愿意用几世换我们一世情缘
希望可以感动上天
我们还能不能能不能再见面
我在佛前苦苦求了几千年
当我在踏过这条奈何桥之前
让我再吻一吻你的脸
让我再吻一吻你的脸
求佛 (誓言)
当月光洒在我的脸上
我想我就快变了摸样
有一种叫做撕心裂肺的汤
喝了它有神奇的力量
闭上眼看见天堂
那是藏着你笑的地方
我躲开无数个猎人的枪
赶走坟墓爬出的忧伤
为了你,我变成狼人摸样
为了你,染上了疯狂
为了你,穿上厚厚的伪装
为了你,换了心肠
我们还能不能再见面
我在佛前苦苦求了几千年
愿意用几世换我们一世情缘
希望可以感动上天
我们还能不能能不能再见面
我在佛前苦苦求了几千年
当我在踏过这条奈何桥之前
让我再吻一吻你的脸
让我再吻一吻你的脸
Wednesday, 18 June 2008
Let it be as such
After so many days of upheaval and unsettling nights, I have at last feel very relived. After losing my Dear on 1st Jun 2008, I thought the world has ended. What could be worst than to receive sms-es like "I've decided who i wanna b wif already ..." on 8th Jun 2008. It was like a lorry has banged into my face. Ouch! It hurt where it matters, in the heart, deep inside.
But alas, it was never meant to be. You are too headstrong, Dear. To rush into a relationship within a week when you barely even know the guy much? Suddenly I felt a sense of immaturity in her. Perhaps she was escaping her exbf's shadow, perhaps she was trying to be rebellious and goes against the wishes of her mother to marry a rich kid. Perhaps there is no perhaps. Not everything in life that we do, we can totally disregard the world and go ahead in our decision. This is also something I never practice. Hence, I was bounded badly too~
As my Dear contacted me back and asked me about my opinion on their breakoff after a week of spiral dating. To be honest, I do not want to talk about him, I wanted to talk about us. But you only wanted to know about him. So be it. But as we chatted, I begun to grow afraid too. Afraid of the future. Afraid and daunted by her family background. Untouchable!
The world is fair. If you have perfection in certain aspects, you will be blunted in some other aspects. If richness is what your mother asks you to seek, happiness is what you will be missing later. If happiness is what you seek yourself, demotion of lifestyle is what you will suffer. Therefore, we shall balance. Balance is the only solution.
The three hours chat that we have had was good. We are willing to share over details and others. But, there lies my worries now. In short, this is what I am going through after that call:
Depression -> recovered
Burdened -> recovered
Shaken -> recovering
Scared -> take on this trait suddenly
Confused -> deepened
Yes, even though now you allow me to call you on the phone, yet you have not agree to meet me. This is fine for now. We will meet eventually. We will take on new activities together. This I am confident about.
What I was scared now is the simple fact that I am not ready. I need the time to build myself up for the next 3 years. Hence my confusion deepened. To let go now and ventured into another country, I would come back stronger, but most likely losing Dear in the process. To purse Dear now and let go of the relocation is to kill of any chance of building up. And yet in the latter process, I may still fail in the end. Money is still what her family demanded to match. Money is what I lacked. But I do know that perhaps in their eagerness to take care of their Princess, they should realize one fact - they are not selling their daughter! Money can buy luxuries, but not happiness.
Consulted many ladies I did. And this is what they said:
Eldest sister (44), mother of 2 -> Go to Shanghai!
Forth sister (42) , mother of 3 -> I support your whatever decision
Friend (26), mother of 2 -> it's puppy love she is having for goodness sake!
Friend (23), caught in love triangle -> fight for her
Friend (29), good nest planning she had -> drop her?
To be truthful, I have had think hard too. The answers are always inside my brain. I know them too well. Just want to hear more opinions, that's all. I went for palm reading before and this is what the Master said, "indecisive; but once made a decision, will stand firm; and will crush all opposition to this decision" And he is right! The path standing before me has been hatched 2 years ago. I waver, I side-tracked, I even nearly gave up (for Dear's sake) and I wish to change track.
As I am standing up to stand firm, I know in my life, no matter how I have side-tracked in my path, I always reach the same destination in the end. This time, I started to stand up for my decision. Yes, I am going to relocate after all! And no, I will not side-tracked or pull-back by anyone anymore!
But no, I am not giving up on Dear. Called it a test of Love! If she was meant for me, she will be. Just as my boss related his story. They broke off for 3 years, came back together for 1 year, broke off for another 3 years, and ended up in marriage after all. If my Dear was meant to be mine, she will be! If my Dear is really a committed person (which now I started to suspect due to her recent case), she will even be willing to relocate herself and pursue her dreams of the TCM study at my same location. This is the ultimate compromise! Will it happen? I won't dream of it. Not at all.
As for now, friendship shall take place. Nothing more serious than that. Your destiny may not cross with mine. I can really accept that now. I am relived of my burden (of pursuing you). If you are serious about me (which I seriously doubted that; more like being hanged by a thread), you will come after me. Now I will respect this saying:
有缘千里来相会。
无缘对面不相逢。
Nature shall take its course! Let it be. Dear is still young. A student mindset is always that of a student, nothing more. What you thought you had more is due to your complicated family situation and the wide socializing that you have had. In the end, you are not proven. The working world out there is vicious and unforgiving for failures. Don't expect your parents to rescue you too often. It will set you back actually. And you must learn to let go of your inner hatred and eagerness to prove to other people. Life is about living your life as it is, not to prove for other to see.
As for me, I can understand that no matter what I did in the 3 years or so, there is only one conclusion. I will come back stronger, learned by failing or achieved by success. There is no other outcome. Therefore, I shall go venture!
(P.S.: For the first time in my life, I was able to accept letting someone go and freely choose what she wanted, even if her choice later is still me. Sorry to Missy, that I have had not given you this chance in 2005.)
But alas, it was never meant to be. You are too headstrong, Dear. To rush into a relationship within a week when you barely even know the guy much? Suddenly I felt a sense of immaturity in her. Perhaps she was escaping her exbf's shadow, perhaps she was trying to be rebellious and goes against the wishes of her mother to marry a rich kid. Perhaps there is no perhaps. Not everything in life that we do, we can totally disregard the world and go ahead in our decision. This is also something I never practice. Hence, I was bounded badly too~
As my Dear contacted me back and asked me about my opinion on their breakoff after a week of spiral dating. To be honest, I do not want to talk about him, I wanted to talk about us. But you only wanted to know about him. So be it. But as we chatted, I begun to grow afraid too. Afraid of the future. Afraid and daunted by her family background. Untouchable!
The world is fair. If you have perfection in certain aspects, you will be blunted in some other aspects. If richness is what your mother asks you to seek, happiness is what you will be missing later. If happiness is what you seek yourself, demotion of lifestyle is what you will suffer. Therefore, we shall balance. Balance is the only solution.
The three hours chat that we have had was good. We are willing to share over details and others. But, there lies my worries now. In short, this is what I am going through after that call:
Depression -> recovered
Burdened -> recovered
Shaken -> recovering
Scared -> take on this trait suddenly
Confused -> deepened
Yes, even though now you allow me to call you on the phone, yet you have not agree to meet me. This is fine for now. We will meet eventually. We will take on new activities together. This I am confident about.
What I was scared now is the simple fact that I am not ready. I need the time to build myself up for the next 3 years. Hence my confusion deepened. To let go now and ventured into another country, I would come back stronger, but most likely losing Dear in the process. To purse Dear now and let go of the relocation is to kill of any chance of building up. And yet in the latter process, I may still fail in the end. Money is still what her family demanded to match. Money is what I lacked. But I do know that perhaps in their eagerness to take care of their Princess, they should realize one fact - they are not selling their daughter! Money can buy luxuries, but not happiness.
Consulted many ladies I did. And this is what they said:
Eldest sister (44), mother of 2 -> Go to Shanghai!
Forth sister (42) , mother of 3 -> I support your whatever decision
Friend (26), mother of 2 -> it's puppy love she is having for goodness sake!
Friend (23), caught in love triangle -> fight for her
Friend (29), good nest planning she had -> drop her?
To be truthful, I have had think hard too. The answers are always inside my brain. I know them too well. Just want to hear more opinions, that's all. I went for palm reading before and this is what the Master said, "indecisive; but once made a decision, will stand firm; and will crush all opposition to this decision" And he is right! The path standing before me has been hatched 2 years ago. I waver, I side-tracked, I even nearly gave up (for Dear's sake) and I wish to change track.
As I am standing up to stand firm, I know in my life, no matter how I have side-tracked in my path, I always reach the same destination in the end. This time, I started to stand up for my decision. Yes, I am going to relocate after all! And no, I will not side-tracked or pull-back by anyone anymore!
But no, I am not giving up on Dear. Called it a test of Love! If she was meant for me, she will be. Just as my boss related his story. They broke off for 3 years, came back together for 1 year, broke off for another 3 years, and ended up in marriage after all. If my Dear was meant to be mine, she will be! If my Dear is really a committed person (which now I started to suspect due to her recent case), she will even be willing to relocate herself and pursue her dreams of the TCM study at my same location. This is the ultimate compromise! Will it happen? I won't dream of it. Not at all.
As for now, friendship shall take place. Nothing more serious than that. Your destiny may not cross with mine. I can really accept that now. I am relived of my burden (of pursuing you). If you are serious about me (which I seriously doubted that; more like being hanged by a thread), you will come after me. Now I will respect this saying:
有缘千里来相会。
无缘对面不相逢。
Nature shall take its course! Let it be. Dear is still young. A student mindset is always that of a student, nothing more. What you thought you had more is due to your complicated family situation and the wide socializing that you have had. In the end, you are not proven. The working world out there is vicious and unforgiving for failures. Don't expect your parents to rescue you too often. It will set you back actually. And you must learn to let go of your inner hatred and eagerness to prove to other people. Life is about living your life as it is, not to prove for other to see.
As for me, I can understand that no matter what I did in the 3 years or so, there is only one conclusion. I will come back stronger, learned by failing or achieved by success. There is no other outcome. Therefore, I shall go venture!
(P.S.: For the first time in my life, I was able to accept letting someone go and freely choose what she wanted, even if her choice later is still me. Sorry to Missy, that I have had not given you this chance in 2005.)
Sunday, 15 June 2008
Love is just a Simple Word
Again, today I learned new stuff. I am starting to accept new stuff since that Fateful Day. Thanks to my friend, Vans, who is a Thai, I have learn new meaning in life. This is what I learned (edited for English from the original passage):
The word "love", which people want to express their feeling
It's just the promise that love will strong enough for eternity
Love is just a simple sweet word creating wonderful dreams
Fulfilling love along the way
Starting from this day onward
Will our love last forever and will it be powerful enough?
Nobody in this world will know when is "love" going to end
Nobody knows when "love" is going to fade away
But all I know is that I love you in which I will make the best out of this moment
Nobody knows what will happen tomorrow
Nobody knows when is "love" going change its course
Maybe that change is going to be either painful or full of tremendous love
That change only depends on whether our hearts are still united together or not
There is no set reason for "love", just give all whole heart
"LOVE" is a powerful word that invites all of us to dream and pass on our love to each other
By Vans Nattakran
The word "love", which people want to express their feeling
It's just the promise that love will strong enough for eternity
Love is just a simple sweet word creating wonderful dreams
Fulfilling love along the way
Starting from this day onward
Will our love last forever and will it be powerful enough?
Nobody in this world will know when is "love" going to end
Nobody knows when "love" is going to fade away
But all I know is that I love you in which I will make the best out of this moment
Nobody knows what will happen tomorrow
Nobody knows when is "love" going change its course
Maybe that change is going to be either painful or full of tremendous love
That change only depends on whether our hearts are still united together or not
There is no set reason for "love", just give all whole heart
"LOVE" is a powerful word that invites all of us to dream and pass on our love to each other
By Vans Nattakran
Saturday, 14 June 2008
A smile is all I asked for
Everyday, I start to open my eyes and learn new things. Today, I am very happy to learn another profound and meaningful message from a Thai friend.
"Don’t go for look, they can deceive. Don’t go for wealth, even that fade away. Go for someone who make you smile. Because it take only a smile to make a dark same bright."
Also, this is from my Thai friend. Thanks Vans!
Giving someone all your love
Is never an assurance
That they’ll love you back
Don’t expect love in return
Just wait for it to glow in their heart
But if it doesn’t
Be content it grew in your heart
I am learning...
"Don’t go for look, they can deceive. Don’t go for wealth, even that fade away. Go for someone who make you smile. Because it take only a smile to make a dark same bright."
Also, this is from my Thai friend. Thanks Vans!
Giving someone all your love
Is never an assurance
That they’ll love you back
Don’t expect love in return
Just wait for it to glow in their heart
But if it doesn’t
Be content it grew in your heart
I am learning...
Wednesday, 11 June 2008
心如刀割
Currently I think this particular song of 张学友 really express my sorrows right now, and I shall share the lyrics with everyone.
我的天是灰色
我的心是蓝色
触摸着你的心
竟是透明的
你的悠然自得
我却束手无策
我的心痛竟是你的快乐
其实我不想对你恋恋不舍
但什么让我辗转反侧
不觉我说着说着天就亮了
我的唇角尝到一种苦涩
我是真的为你哭了
你是真的随他走了
就在这一刻
全世界伤心角色又多了我一个
我是真的为你爱了
你是真的跟他走了
能给的我全都给了我都舍得
除了让你知道我心如刀割
我的天是灰色
我的心是蓝色
触摸着你的心
竟是透明的
你的悠然自得
我却束手无策
我的心痛竟是你的快乐
其实我不想对你恋恋不舍
但什么让我辗转反侧
不觉我说着说着天就亮了
我的唇角尝到一种苦涩
我是真的为你哭了
你是真的随他走了
就在这一刻
全世界伤心角色又多了我一个
我是真的为你爱了
你是真的跟他走了
能给的我全都给了我都舍得
除了让你知道我心如刀割
Monday, 9 June 2008
Sunday, 8 June 2008
Missed the Voyage but Don't Miss the Destination!
It was a painful week that sometimes I felt I should not enter into. It was a week that I should be somewhere overseas now celebrating and enjoy the joy together with someone, but alas, here I am at home writing this passage.
I have booked a ticket on a cruise ship. It was meant to be a voyage of holiday and joy. But alas, due to my forgetfulness, I didn't brought along my passport. Next I found the visa missing. Then I quarreled with the immigration staff. Despite these hurdles, all the people has been generous to me. They allow me through despite all my deficiencies. At the last hurdle, again I quarreled, with the ticketing staff this time. Alas, the boat has blasted its horn for the last call. I failed badly, missing the point totally. Perhaps my ears are deaf, perhaps my mouth say he is more important than the ears and keep on arguing. Perhaps there is no perhaps.
When I reached the jetty, I found an empty berth. I have just missed the cruise ship. That was the last call for the cruise ship, for the cruise ship is sailing out for it joyful voyage and will forget you soon after leaving you behind. The cruise ship has sailed and will no longer turn back. This day is important, because it is the cruise ship 22nd anniversary, an important milestone after become an independent cruise ship after the 21st anniversary. In my heart, I know the boat is gone, but the memory of the boat, the size, the shape, her beauty and beautiful moments embedded vividly inside my heart.
But I do remember someone telling me this "I believe that the process is more important than the results". I cannot but agree. I have learned a great lesson on humility. I have learned that I have been sitting on my ideas for too long. They don't hatch like chicken. They are not chicken. Time to act!
Also, the same someone wrote "So before asking what others could provide us, why not we think and ask ourselves what could we provide or give others?" So now I am listening (at last). I am going to book my ticket on another voyage. Right now I am still negotiating the price of that ticket. No, I am not missing the whole picture by hagging over a small part of the whole voyage. The price of the ticket is important to my Mission statement. Everything I do now, I ask myself the 4 underlying guiding mission statements.
There is no more holiday cruise ship. It is gone and in its place is the industrial ship. I am going on it to work and learn the process as taught by someone. I know objections are aplenty. There are too many people who have always see you for the past 33 years. They have stayed too comfortable with you. Time to ask them to let me go on my journey. Again, I am using that someone idea in that "This is my life, I’m the only one who was able to grade it. As I decide for the reason why I live for, even if I did mistakes, I live with it and I’m the one who bear the consequences of it."
I longer say "I will succeed" and sit on it. Thing do not move for you just as the Sun does not move from east to west of Earth. I was dreaming as I failed to see the whole truth. It is the Earth that is moving around the Sun. I need to re-look at the bigger picture carefully again. What I am seeing with my eyes are the only jigsaws that I only know. But I can learn other jigsaws from others. Complete the whole jigsaw puzzle to see the whole picture. Therefore, there is only one way. I have to make the things move. I have lost confident! But as I booked the ticket on the next journey, I commit myself to try whatever means to reach my destination. In that, there can be no failure and there is only one possibility - "I MUST SUCCEED!"
I have booked a ticket on a cruise ship. It was meant to be a voyage of holiday and joy. But alas, due to my forgetfulness, I didn't brought along my passport. Next I found the visa missing. Then I quarreled with the immigration staff. Despite these hurdles, all the people has been generous to me. They allow me through despite all my deficiencies. At the last hurdle, again I quarreled, with the ticketing staff this time. Alas, the boat has blasted its horn for the last call. I failed badly, missing the point totally. Perhaps my ears are deaf, perhaps my mouth say he is more important than the ears and keep on arguing. Perhaps there is no perhaps.
When I reached the jetty, I found an empty berth. I have just missed the cruise ship. That was the last call for the cruise ship, for the cruise ship is sailing out for it joyful voyage and will forget you soon after leaving you behind. The cruise ship has sailed and will no longer turn back. This day is important, because it is the cruise ship 22nd anniversary, an important milestone after become an independent cruise ship after the 21st anniversary. In my heart, I know the boat is gone, but the memory of the boat, the size, the shape, her beauty and beautiful moments embedded vividly inside my heart.
But I do remember someone telling me this "I believe that the process is more important than the results". I cannot but agree. I have learned a great lesson on humility. I have learned that I have been sitting on my ideas for too long. They don't hatch like chicken. They are not chicken. Time to act!
Also, the same someone wrote "So before asking what others could provide us, why not we think and ask ourselves what could we provide or give others?" So now I am listening (at last). I am going to book my ticket on another voyage. Right now I am still negotiating the price of that ticket. No, I am not missing the whole picture by hagging over a small part of the whole voyage. The price of the ticket is important to my Mission statement. Everything I do now, I ask myself the 4 underlying guiding mission statements.
There is no more holiday cruise ship. It is gone and in its place is the industrial ship. I am going on it to work and learn the process as taught by someone. I know objections are aplenty. There are too many people who have always see you for the past 33 years. They have stayed too comfortable with you. Time to ask them to let me go on my journey. Again, I am using that someone idea in that "This is my life, I’m the only one who was able to grade it. As I decide for the reason why I live for, even if I did mistakes, I live with it and I’m the one who bear the consequences of it."
I longer say "I will succeed" and sit on it. Thing do not move for you just as the Sun does not move from east to west of Earth. I was dreaming as I failed to see the whole truth. It is the Earth that is moving around the Sun. I need to re-look at the bigger picture carefully again. What I am seeing with my eyes are the only jigsaws that I only know. But I can learn other jigsaws from others. Complete the whole jigsaw puzzle to see the whole picture. Therefore, there is only one way. I have to make the things move. I have lost confident! But as I booked the ticket on the next journey, I commit myself to try whatever means to reach my destination. In that, there can be no failure and there is only one possibility - "I MUST SUCCEED!"
Friday, 6 June 2008
Mission statement for my next 3 years
With my knowledge of creating a business plan, after the setbacks since 1st June 2008, I thought I might as well create a planner for myself. Never did that before, never have had any resolutions before. Well, I am learning (dear), so don't dump me yet.
So here I am, in the midst of creating a Personal Growth Planner for Oct-2008 to Dec-2011. In the working copy, I have currently defined my Mission statement for the Planner:
- To capture Dear's heart and soul with my sincerity, care and ambition;
- By upgrading myself on these areas:
(i) Character & Behavioral Improvement
(ii) Career & Experience Advancement
(iii) Nest Building
(iv) Soul Cleansing
Shall not reveal Vision statement here~ It is too "sensitive"
So here I am, in the midst of creating a Personal Growth Planner for Oct-2008 to Dec-2011. In the working copy, I have currently defined my Mission statement for the Planner:
- To capture Dear's heart and soul with my sincerity, care and ambition;
- By upgrading myself on these areas:
(i) Character & Behavioral Improvement
(ii) Career & Experience Advancement
(iii) Nest Building
(iv) Soul Cleansing
Shall not reveal Vision statement here~ It is too "sensitive"
Thursday, 5 June 2008
Wednesday, 4 June 2008
Down the Walkway of Life
I know I am sad these days. As sadness cling still to my heart, I cannot but try to accommodate a request from my colleagues to write something for our secretary Doris and her coming wedding with Martin. While I cannot lie that I am sad, and any wishes and congratulation are but a fake front. Hence, I decided to write a poem for them to ponder upon.
Please, as you walk down the walkway to the Church, ponder upon since you as a baby, what are the concerns then - that of your baby cry and the motherly loving care. Therefore it is important as both of you unite as one couple, ponder again that to mate is to share the joy and sorrow together and with the love, overcome all obstacles. Also, as your children are grown up, again ponder. You are supposed to help them grow and to build a harmony family.
Down the Walkway of Life
In the morning of life, when the world is birth Mother,
Its journey begin with simple milk, and the affection is cry and care,
We can love, of one's smile, of one's laughter, in the gay sunny prime.
In the noon of life, when the world is mated spouse,
Its excursion joins to a common expedition, and the devotion is joy and sorrow,
We can love, of mate's companionship, of mate's love, in the bright sunny peak.
In the set of life, when the world is offspring family,
Its voyage sails in a collateral boat, and the zealous goal is growth and harmony,
We can love, of kindred's progress, of kindred's walkway of life, in the aurora sunny set.
Lodoss
4th June 2008
Please, as you walk down the walkway to the Church, ponder upon since you as a baby, what are the concerns then - that of your baby cry and the motherly loving care. Therefore it is important as both of you unite as one couple, ponder again that to mate is to share the joy and sorrow together and with the love, overcome all obstacles. Also, as your children are grown up, again ponder. You are supposed to help them grow and to build a harmony family.
Down the Walkway of Life
In the morning of life, when the world is birth Mother,
Its journey begin with simple milk, and the affection is cry and care,
We can love, of one's smile, of one's laughter, in the gay sunny prime.
In the noon of life, when the world is mated spouse,
Its excursion joins to a common expedition, and the devotion is joy and sorrow,
We can love, of mate's companionship, of mate's love, in the bright sunny peak.
In the set of life, when the world is offspring family,
Its voyage sails in a collateral boat, and the zealous goal is growth and harmony,
We can love, of kindred's progress, of kindred's walkway of life, in the aurora sunny set.
Lodoss
4th June 2008
Tuesday, 3 June 2008
Separation made the heart flounder
望月怀远
海上生明月
天涯共此时
情人怨遥夜
竟夕起相思
灭烛怜光满
披衣觉露滋
不堪盈手赠
还寝梦佳期
Looking at the Moon and Thinking of One Far Away
The moon, grown full now over the sea,
Brightening the whole of heaven,
Brings to separated hearts
The long thoughtfulness of night ...
It is no darker though I blow out my candle.
It is no warmer though I put on my coat.
So I leave my message with the moon
And turn to my bed, hoping for dreams.
海上生明月
天涯共此时
情人怨遥夜
竟夕起相思
灭烛怜光满
披衣觉露滋
不堪盈手赠
还寝梦佳期
Looking at the Moon and Thinking of One Far Away
The moon, grown full now over the sea,
Brightening the whole of heaven,
Brings to separated hearts
The long thoughtfulness of night ...
It is no darker though I blow out my candle.
It is no warmer though I put on my coat.
So I leave my message with the moon
And turn to my bed, hoping for dreams.
Monday, 2 June 2008
C.H.A.N.G.E. (Part II)
Some people live a good life, they question the need to change. Some people live a life not worth mentioning, they want to change it everyday. Do we really need to deal with changes? Perhaps, we should ask the basic question instead, "Why did we grow up and ages with experiences."
Change happens everyday, there is no stop to it. How much do we know about the subtle changes happening? How much have we prepared for the changes when they become obvious later? That, however, is an art and hence, becomes the topic today.
The first quote of importance today is by the late US President:
"Change is the law of life. And those who look only to the past or present are certain to miss the future." John F. Kennedy (1917 - 1963)
[censored in case the princess is offended]
[censored in case the princess is offended]
Respect (another profound word deserving its own entry later) is earned, not given. What you are given, unfortunately blinded by you, are not respect. They are mere compliments by people sucking up, meant for pleasing the unfortunate princess still in her wonderland.
Life is a cycle. One day, the princess will marry and exit her plush palace of her parents. One day, the princess will wake up knowing that she is on her own [amended in case the princess is offended]. Poor princess, for only then will she find out society is a cruel place to live in. When there is no more benefits, there is not more of the nonsenses that she have been receiving for her past days. It adds to her miseries of losing her dearest. Is she able to carry on? This bring us to the second quote of today.
"It is not the strongest of the species that survive, nor the most intelligent, but the one most responsive to change." Charles Darwin (1809 - 1882)
Change we must response. The earliest the better. We have three options, one is to prevent the change, another is to ignore the change, the last is to response to change. We can't prevent the first; to live the life of the second (like the princess) is to give up on life later. We have no choice. Don't blame anybody. Always remember when you are pointing your index finger at people, accusing them of heresies, three other fingers are pointing toward yourself.
If change cannot be prevented, therefore, it would be better if we note it down and prepare ourselves for the inevitable changes that is ever occurring and evolving itself. Too late to react is not an excuse. There is no chance for such excuse by the end of the journey. Society will only shrug at you and move on, leaving you behind.
To the princess [amended in case the princess is offended],
Life is like a mirage, it is but a transient. Live it as per said, don't possess it. It cannot be possessed. Attention is good, people giving in to your demands is good. It gives you the sense of satisfaction and importance. Be mindful, mother Earth is balanced. What goes up must come down. What is flying now must land one day. Are you ready for that day or will it become your doomsday?
Being a Dark Angel is difficult. It does provoke people but it also does provoke the thinkers to be careful of their future. One wrong move, the transient disappear as easy as it appeared. How many could have understood the confusing signs of the Dark Angel? How difficult was it in maintaining to be Dark Angel. You have Angels around you, none the Devils. That's bad for you have had no falling and with the lack of experiences, are you ready to walk on later? The Dark Angel balances, but even if you could not understand the actions, at least appreciate these actions. Forth, the Dark Angel can become the Angel you like easily with all the bullshit craps of niceties, but it is to hell that you will drop later.
Change happens everyday, there is no stop to it. How much do we know about the subtle changes happening? How much have we prepared for the changes when they become obvious later? That, however, is an art and hence, becomes the topic today.
The first quote of importance today is by the late US President:
"Change is the law of life. And those who look only to the past or present are certain to miss the future." John F. Kennedy (1917 - 1963)
[censored in case the princess is offended]
[censored in case the princess is offended]
Respect (another profound word deserving its own entry later) is earned, not given. What you are given, unfortunately blinded by you, are not respect. They are mere compliments by people sucking up, meant for pleasing the unfortunate princess still in her wonderland.
Life is a cycle. One day, the princess will marry and exit her plush palace of her parents. One day, the princess will wake up knowing that she is on her own [amended in case the princess is offended]. Poor princess, for only then will she find out society is a cruel place to live in. When there is no more benefits, there is not more of the nonsenses that she have been receiving for her past days. It adds to her miseries of losing her dearest. Is she able to carry on? This bring us to the second quote of today.
"It is not the strongest of the species that survive, nor the most intelligent, but the one most responsive to change." Charles Darwin (1809 - 1882)
Change we must response. The earliest the better. We have three options, one is to prevent the change, another is to ignore the change, the last is to response to change. We can't prevent the first; to live the life of the second (like the princess) is to give up on life later. We have no choice. Don't blame anybody. Always remember when you are pointing your index finger at people, accusing them of heresies, three other fingers are pointing toward yourself.
If change cannot be prevented, therefore, it would be better if we note it down and prepare ourselves for the inevitable changes that is ever occurring and evolving itself. Too late to react is not an excuse. There is no chance for such excuse by the end of the journey. Society will only shrug at you and move on, leaving you behind.
To the princess [amended in case the princess is offended],
Life is like a mirage, it is but a transient. Live it as per said, don't possess it. It cannot be possessed. Attention is good, people giving in to your demands is good. It gives you the sense of satisfaction and importance. Be mindful, mother Earth is balanced. What goes up must come down. What is flying now must land one day. Are you ready for that day or will it become your doomsday?
Being a Dark Angel is difficult. It does provoke people but it also does provoke the thinkers to be careful of their future. One wrong move, the transient disappear as easy as it appeared. How many could have understood the confusing signs of the Dark Angel? How difficult was it in maintaining to be Dark Angel. You have Angels around you, none the Devils. That's bad for you have had no falling and with the lack of experiences, are you ready to walk on later? The Dark Angel balances, but even if you could not understand the actions, at least appreciate these actions. Forth, the Dark Angel can become the Angel you like easily with all the bullshit craps of niceties, but it is to hell that you will drop later.
Sunday, 1 June 2008
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)