The past is written, but we can end that chapter in harmony

After the recent events that are happening to me, suddenly I realized that to let go is a very relieved thing to do. And as I think back about my past, I understood my actions of the past - narrow-minded. What done was done, it can't be changed! Nonetheless, it's always better to be late than never. And this is what I realized and so I acted upon it.

I sms-ed Missy on 18th Jun 2008 at 09:13AM:
"Hi XXX... So long never hear anything from you. How is it going?"

I got no reply (as expected as I think she was already very angry over my last communications when I refused to advice her about her job change).

And as I was drinking coffee in the late afternoon, tears flowed naturally and I really felt bad for Missy and I decided to let her know my feelings:

I sms-ed Missy on 18th Jun 2008 at 15:40PM:
"As I woke u from my dreams after an event, I pondered upon my life that I have lived through, and the path ahead for me. The tasks ahead are daunting, the path is rough, and the view is misty. Still it is my destiny to push through. And as I turned and looked at my past, I saw the gal that I have had loved for 5 years in my heart. And I saw how badly I have treated her when she did not chose me. I cannot turn back, but I could only say "SORRY" sincerity. I do not seek forgiveness nor do I seek redemption. I just want you to know that you have not lost your friendship in me."

And I am not expecting any reply from Missy. This is the most forgiving sms that I ever sent to to Missy. With this sincerity, I have learned to let go and not expect anything in return. This is something I learned from Vans (my Thai friend).

In the evening while discussing my future and problems with my forth sister, I received a sms, thinking it was from my Dear but ended up it was from Missy and it went:
"I m glad u have come to your senses. As long as u have woke up to accept reality, u r still my friend. Well, I know u dont choose 2 be the way u r in the past.. Relieved tat u finally see enlightenment. Anywy, i m doing fine, just too busy with work.."

I did not replied to her anymore. No, I no longer see any need to do that because I am sincere and I am not sms-ing her to get her attention to reply back so that we can chat. I am sincerely sms-ing to make known my opinions and regrets.

I promised her a dinner date before my eventual re-location. This promise, I will fulfill. Hope she will understand that in doing that date, I wished to treasure my time with her and bottled the feelings I have for her for memories. She is married but nonetheless, it does not mean I have had no feeling before, now or the future.

Just as I had told my Dear before, my love for a person is singular. Other people's love can fade easily. Mine usually brew over time, and it get richer over time. Dear is occupying my heart now, even though her own heart is occupied by another guy who left her after promising lots of empty promises after 1 week of whirlpool relationship. But it does not mean that my heart is being occupied by many, I merely bottled up the feelings for Missy and put somewhere... within me. I have deep feelings and I am a homo sapien after all!