I happened to have lots of time recently. One fine day, I was at the library and I was browsing the section on "self-improvement" and I chanced upon a book with a witty cover. The book is called "S.U.M.O. (Shut Up, Move On) - The straight talking guide to creating and enjoying a brilliant life" by Paul McGee, a motivational speaker and relationship expert.
Essentially, the book talks about moving on with your life, refocusing on the goals and priorities that are in front of you now, instead of lamming on the past. It does not actually teaches you to ‘get over it’ or ‘pull yourself together’. Specifically, it prescribes the following:
‘Shut Up’ means
- to stop what you’re doing
- take time out to reflect
- let go of baggage and beliefs that hinder your potential.
‘Move On’ means
- Tomorrow can be different from today
- Look for new possibilities.
- Don’t just think about it, take action.
There are a total of 6 underlying principles covered in the book.
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Principle #1 - Change your T-shirt
Instead of finding who/what is culpable for your current grievous state, acting like a VICTIM wearing a Victim T-shirt, why not take responsibility for all the things and change your T-shirt to Sumo T-shirt.
If you want to know who is most responsible for where you are in life, take a look in the mirror.
There are 4 reasons why people wear the Victim T-shirt:
Reason #1 - they feel they have no other choice
Reason #2 - low self-esteem and poor self-image
Reason #3 - it's becoming a habit
Reason #4 - some people actually enjoying wearing it
Your choices (in life) are significant. What you affects who you are and where you end up. Removing your T-shirt means changing the status quo. Because when you wear the Victim T-shirt, you become a passenger in your life an allow circumstances an other people to determine your direction. Removing your T-shirt requires courage (to admit to yourself). The wisdom is that we are not always responsible for what happens to us, but we are responsible to how we choose to respond. Even if you are a genuine victim, ultimately you need to learn how to become a survivor.
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Principle #2 - Develop fruity thinking
It asks you to take charge of your own thoughts. The thinking chain using the TEAR model goes as follow:
Thoughts induce Emotions,
Emotions affect Actions,
Actions lead to Results
If you change your current victim thinking, you will change the end-results. Faulty thinking brings about undesirable results and positive and pro-active thinking give yourself a chance to succeed. Reflecting on how we think is one of the most powerful ways we can take control over our lives.
What actually influences our thinking? Our background, our previous experiences, the company that we keep, and the mass media all affects our thinking. There are 4 types of faulty thinking.
The first type is the inner critic. Your voice inside your head that highlights your weaknesses can undermine your confidence. It's not simply what you say to yourself that matters. It's how you say it and how much you believe it that counts.
The second type is the broken record (of ours). There may be times when the problems of the past don't need to be fixed or sorted out. They need to be left behind.
The third type is the martyr syndrome. Suffering from martyr syndrome is more a reflection of how you see yourself as opposed to your dedication to sacrifice for a worthy cause.
The last type is the trivial pursuits thinking. Sometimes we make mountains out of molehills. Perhaps it's not the circumstances that need to change, but more your perspective of those circumstances.
Some of the problems and challenges we face in life are due to our inability to tap into our rational brain. Being truly rational can bring fresh perspective an new insights to an issue. And the key to engaging our rational brain is to ask ourselves questions. The quality of the questions determine the quality of the answers. If you are not happy with the answers life is giving you, then ask some different questions.
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Principle #3 - Hippo time is okay
A hippopotamus, from time to time, likes to remain under water for a considerable time. Resting from setbacks and taking no action is okay. But you need to understand how it has affected you and how you should now recover from them. Wallowing is okay but be mindful of the duration you allow yourself to wallow.
When you deny the negative, you block the road to positive recovery. Also, we have to be careful about sharing the problems with other people in a strict sense. To re-tell (the problems) is to re-live and that is not always helpful.
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Principle #4 - Remember the big beach ball
A big beach ball is bigger than your sight and it has multiple colours. What colour did you see now depends on your perspective. Take a step back, see the big beach ball again and see the number of colours it has to increase your understanding and awareness of other possibilities.
What influences how we and others see the beach ball? First, our age influences. With age comes experience and invariably, how you see and respond to a situation. Next, our values formulate our personal perspective. Never assume that other people value the same things as you. The third influence is our personality. In the book, it listed 4 types:
The Cheerleader - main driver is to get noticed and get appreciated
The Carer - main driver is to get along with others
The Commander - main driver is to get things done
The Thinker - main driver is to get the task right
The last influence is our current state of mind. Our view of situation can fluctuate greatly depending on how we are feeling at that particular time. Your feelings influence your perceptions. So how are you feeling today?
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Principle #5 - Learn Latin
Start to learn new things/matters. Changes will only come through actions, not intentions. Seize the day and explore. Only then will we over our tendency to put things/actions off.
Five reasons why people procrastinate and failed to take actions in their lives. First reason is avoiding discomfort and failing to leave the comfort zone. If we are to succeed, this will involve us taking action or thinking in a way that moves us beyond our normal zone of comfort and familiarity.
Second reason (for procrastination) is our emotional barriers. When you remain a prisoner to your emotions, you may never now the freedom of success. Third reason is the fear of failure. If we are to achieve anything in life, we must remember that setbacks come as a package. Failure isn't fatal until you stop trying.
Forth reason is the typical complacency. A lack of goals and sense of purpose in our lives, results in people drifting along in a haze of complacency. The last reason for our procrastination is out action illusion. Some people can always appear busy, but the question is busy with what? Remember, when all is said and done, more is said than done.
To conquer the procrastination habit is simple - just start doing (something) and always tackle the difficult tasks first rather than leaving them late. At the end of the day, don't be the person saying "I wish I had". Rather be the person who says "I'm glad I did".
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Principle #6 - Ditch Doris Day
Doris Day is the singer for the song "Que Sera Sera". Create your own future and not leave it the chance. The attitude "whatever will be, will be" will not do fine. Learn how to make your best time while you can.
Your destiny has not been decided. Neither the moon, the stars nor fate determine it - you do! Have less regret about what you didn't do in lie. Instead, find out what you have done. And take time out to reflect more on what you really want in life, instead of drifting along with the crowd.
Do not adjust you goals to bring them in line with your life. Adjust your life to bring you in line with your goals. And even note that even when your car is running well, it's still good to have it serviced. The same goes for life.
Hope is not a strategy. Start where you are with what you have and never lose sight of your dream.
"People tend to overestimate what they can achieve in a year, but underestimate what they can achieve in a lifetime." Anthony Robbins
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